This is the ‘great new transition’, or ‘the great shift’. So, the only constant at this time is rapid change. Often exponentially rapid, depending on what changes you look at.
As is sort of said in Zen Buddhism, if you attach to any fixed idea about yourself or the world, you’ll lose your head sooner or later. And that’s certainly true right now.
I’m sat here reflecting on seven years of brokenness. Seven years of drifting in and out of different kinds of barely skilled jobs.
I’m lucky though. Where I work, most of the staff are at least aware of this shift, if not proactively and creatively working on adaptation in their own lives. (We have a wormery. How many employers have a wormery!)
But the job I do doesn’t quite feel vibrationally right, because during this personal transition I found out what it is to be authentic, to be whole, to be present, to come into my own, and to be the man I am.
At the same time maleness is covered over with so many layers of ‘fixedness’ it’s almost impossible to think about being authentically male during a time of transition without attaching to those fixed ideas for want of apparent solidity and certainty.
All men fix on ideas of the role of the man at some level and some stage. It’s what maleness often is; it defines itself in opposition to the feminine, whereas the feminine just gets on with it.
Much has been written about these themes by others. Authentically adult and authentically male is not impossible.
But it’s not really that I’m struggling with.
I still don’t know where to put myself. I don’t know what I want ‘to do’ for myself. I’m still just going around pleasing others 😦
Where is my highest excitement?
‘Act on your highest excitement to the best of your ability with no expectation of the outcome’ – Bashar.